Abstract

A good driver is like the needle in a haystack…goes the saying. “Ditto…”, agrees K S Parasuram, narrating a series of driver-mishaps he’d to undergo.

“You should not be driving any more. You’re 78 and under the present driving disciplines and with your hypertension, arthritis etc, you’re not supposed to be driving around all by yourself. Your driving licence should be withdrawn or cancelled because of age”, says my chief for whom I was an occasional consultant. As it happened, it was time to renew my real Driving Licence and I’d already sent in my application. Within a month I was called for encrypting my photograph on to the new computerised licence and shortly after that, I received my licence for driving an LMV (Light Motor Vehicles) for a period of 10 years i.e. till I was 88. How did this happen despite my age recorded in the application? I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “Well… the Government has permitted me to drive around till I’m 88. Who knows, the licence may be extended for another 10 years for the asking provided the fee is paid. No medical check ups; no age restrictions! What a free world we’re living in! God save the city!”

However, driving was becoming more chaotic with no rules adhered to emission standards, traffic rules, parking etc. With ads proclaiming vehicles can attain 60 kms per hour in 6 seconds, speed has become the order of the day and it looked as if everyone except me is chasing around in high speed cars, unchecked. The confusion is confounded by the assortment of vehicles on the road such as bicycles, tricycles, autorickshaws, hand-carts, scooters, motorcycles and most importantly, the human traffic spilling on to the road. In my case I was more often pressing the brake rather than the accelerator, driving in low gears and adding to the strain of my arthritic knees.

That was when I decided to go in for a hired driver through the Automobile Association (AA) using my privilege as a member and giving one clear day’s notice. I’d not yet felt the need for a permanent driver and wanted to try out a hired driver for say, thrice a week. Although I had a rosy picture of being driven around by a hired chauffer with soothing effects on my hypertension, subsequent events shaped differently:

Driver No. 1

He reported late for duty with the excuse of searching for my location since only the postal address had been given to him. He fumbled to insert the car keys and I’d to come to the rescue. This despite his claim of having driven all sorts of cars and 20 years of experience! On being questioned about his shoddy attire, “I’ve to support my family and everyday report to AA, pay a service charge to get my choice of location. How much money can I spend on dress? My dress is quite good for the money I get.” It took some time for him to get used to the car and the AC controls before settling down. He was also driving in low gears complaining of too many obstacles on the road. I gave up advising on how to drive. I reached my destination, but in a tense mood. After a few other trips, when I returned home I heaved a sigh of relief.

Driver No. 2

Drivers are generally available only for a day at a time and I didn’t want to commit to an unknown driver without knowing his abilities. I put in another request. This time I got a driver who appeared to know his job. He knew how to use the car AC and was driving along fairly smoothly. But the problem began as he went into an uncontrollable bout of cough from time to time and with the AC `on’. I became apprehensive about its effect on me in a closed atmosphere. On my query, he dismissed it as mere cough. But I was not happy lest he should pass on his infection to me! The day ended with the feeling that I had or was going to be infected and didn’t want him to continue.

Driver No. 3

He turned up again via AA, this time at short notice and I was pleasantly surprised. Unpleasantly though, he brought with him a whiff of body odour unbearable even at a distance. As soon as he took his seat, the car was enveloped with the same odour and I began feeling nauseous. I didn’t use the AC; instead opened the car windows for fresh air to come in. It was a hot day and there was no freshness in the air and I’d to suffer in silence while advising the driver about the need for personal hygiene. My handkerchief remained pressed to my nose throughout the journey. The driver also had a habit of snoozing at the slightest opportunity and every time the car stopped he went into a snooze even if for five minutes and had to be woken up. He became so irritable that I’d to terminate him halfway but pay for the full day. It was a great relief to drive away the car after spraying a deodorant.

Driver No. 4

This one started with an argument with the security staff of the building complex where I live. He was asked to stand aside until I was contacted. He stood in a corner sulking and complained he was being treated like an untouchable. I’d to intervene to sort out the matter. After the initial familiarisation with the controls, on our way to my destination, he picked up arguments with other drivers for being too fast or slow and not giving him the right of way. I had to caution him to concentrate on his driving. He understood my position but his urge for argument put me in an awkward position from time to time. At the end of the day he opined that I’d paid him less for driving a `big’ car, which was in fact classified as an LMV.

Driver No. 5

He reported on time. Was well behaved. No odours! Fumbling with controls, he soon learnt the ropes. But he was too careful on the road allowing everyone to overtake him including pedal cycles. He was mostly driving in low gears and I was getting impatient and hinted that I’d be better off walking to my destination! In reply, he complained about people’s bad habits of not following the rules of the road, heavy traffic preventing normal driving etc. He was mostly talking to himself about the state of affairs. In an agonising tone, I asked him to drive on instead of moaning.

Driver No. 6

He appeared satisfactory, but had a habit of disappearing from the scene of parking and a major chunk of my time went in hunting for him after my work. I warned him to wait near the car rather than me searching for him. He replied he was very close, having a cup of tea. With a cup still in his hand he showed no urgency to get into the car and sipped slowly while my patience was being put to test. Eventually I’d to order him into the car or face dismissal. Giving instructions on where to go and what route to take was also a painful process. He had his own explanations for taking a devious or sometimes a wrong route.

Driver No. 7

Looked a confident and seasoned person and needed no directions except the destination. I asked him to drive to a nearby hospital to look up a patient and was taken there without any fuss. Asking him to park the car, I went in. But my friend had already been discharged and so I promptly went back to the parking area only to find the car had disappeared. I was left standing on the sidewalk and straining my neck to look out for the car. After 15 minutes, the car came crawling in. I asked the driver where he’d been with the car to which he replied he was close by looking up his friend. I asked him why he could not walk up to him if he was close by. He had no answer.

Driver No. 8

At last, I thought I had zeroed in on the driver I needed. He was younger, properly clothed, not chewing or coughing and knew his job. Within a few minutes of his enrolling however, I got a message from the Security of our building requesting me not to employ him as he was not satisfactory. I was puzzled and wondered if I’d not inadvertently engaged a potential` threat’ to my life. I told the Security I’d already engaged him for three days and would assess him during his tenure. I found the driver quite satisfactory though he tried to get the better of other drivers on the road.

On the third day, I caught the driver in the act of scratching his groins rather vigorously that my directions to him almost went overboard. I asked him if he’d any problems to which he promptly replied he was fine. I was apprehensive of getting his skin infection since I too sit on the driver’s seat! I felt quite uneasy.

Lessons Learnt

The driver story can go on and on. I started with the assumption that engaging hired drivers for part of the week would ease my problems. But I’d not calculated the mental effects and the consequent surge in my hypertension. Right now I’m in a fix as to how a good driver can be hired. It has to be on a trial and error basis for a start and Automobile Associations will have to play a more positive role in training the drivers to observe disciplines, dress habits, cleanliness, etc. and be familiar with traffic rules and routes. Engaging casual drivers has taught me that they can do more harm than good! For that matter, any driver is a hazardous proposition and a yellow cab for occasional help would be better although that experience could be the subject matter for another write-up!